my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
