Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
