You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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