how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
