i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
