Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
COCAINE IS GR8
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
