Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
