9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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