U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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