Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
