Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
