Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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