Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
