after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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