Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize