There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
