So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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