so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
