If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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