Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
