You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
