Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
