ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize