So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
