There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize