somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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