is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
