Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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