mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
