I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
