when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
