im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize