There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
