Betty ford says i'm here all night
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
