man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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