I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
