Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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