It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
