also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
