Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
