Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
