she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
