we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
