I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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