Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
