she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
