I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
