new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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