Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
