How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
