I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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