I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
