Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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