what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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