went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
