Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
