paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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