Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
