Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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