I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
smell my finger.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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