what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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