allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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