So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
