I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
