she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
