we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize