I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
