How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
