I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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