Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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