dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize