If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
