I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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