So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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