woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
