his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I lost the right to judge tonight
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
