I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
