He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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