Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
