He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
this hospital has no fireball
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
