The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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