His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
